Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Today: Everybody Hates the Comeback.

-I know I spent most of yesterday complaining about Kate Moss, and I was hoping I wouldn't have to do it again today. But I do, because she's been axed from H&M. And really, I don't feel bad.
-We all watched (or maybe slept through) Everybody Loves Raymond sweeping the Emmys for the thousandth time for a row. But it was okay, because the show's ending and their reign of terror would soon be over, right? Apparently not. There are actual talks of a spin-off (because we all know how well those do. Hi Joey!) revolving around Brad Garrett's character. Wake me when it's cancelled.
-Ashton Kutcher's voicemails may or may not be hacked. As defamer points out, his password spells PUNK, which might be a little too obvious, even for someone who starred in a movie called Dude, Wheres My Car?
-It looks like someone finally woke up over at HBO and actually got around to cancelling The Comeback. They also announced a second season of Rome and a third season of Entourage, in case you were worried.
-Jennifer Aniston claims she is "ready to date". Somewhere, Vince Vaughn is on his cell phone, looking nervous.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Today: Kate Moss Won't Go Away.

-So, let's take a look at these weekend box office numbers, shall we?
1. Just Like Heaven $16.4M total: $16.4M
2. The Exorcism of Emily Rose $14.9M total: $51.6M
3. Lord of War $9.39M total: $9.39M
4. The 40 Year Old Virgin $5.97M total: $90.7M
5. Cry_Wolf $4.43M total: $4.43M
6. Transporter 2 $4.01M total: $36.5M
7. The Constant Gardener $3.62M total: $24.3M
8. Red Eye $2.86M total: $55.2M
9. Wedding Crashers $2.53M total: $204M
10. Marche de l'empereur, La $2.52M total: $70.4M
I don't know about you guys, but I'm more than a little surprised that Reese Whitherspoon has appeal that lasts beyond Legally Blonde and its sequel. Although its possible that some of those millions were attributed to confused fans of the Cure, much like goth Jared was. Half of the rest of this week's list I've never even heard of, so I'll just take that as a cue to move on to talking about people's horible hairstyles at the Emmys.
-Or you know what, let's talk about Kate Moss first. Because sure, we all heard about the one-woman cocaine rager. And the world collectively yawned. Because honestly? She's a model AND she's dating Pete Doherty. She was practically mandated to be on cocaine. However, she's taking things to the next drug-addled step by having lesbian three-ways. If Pete were actually coherent enough to understand what his girlfriend is doing, I'm sure he'd be thrilled.
-Jennifer Lopez does not learn. I cannot understand how making a movie with Marc Antony could possibly be successful, unless its a zombie flick and Marc has the title role.
-Oh wait, this just in. Kate dumped Doherty's ass again. Dry those tears kids, they'll be back to snorting and sexing it up by tomorrow or thursday the latest.
-Mad Magazine tries really hard to be relevent and make a joke about Lindsay Lohan but it falls about as flat as an episode of their show does. Which is to say, I'm dumber for having seen it.
-I'm a bit worried for Felicity Huffman's safety. When working on a show filled with catty women playing even cattier women, one has to watch their back at most every turn. Now that she's won an Emmy, I'd hate to see how much Teri Hatcher bribes Marc Cherry with to off Huffman's character. Or worse, I'd hate to see what Teri'd do to her dressing room.
-Oh, one more thing. Patricia Arquette, dear? Not even Gwen Stefani could make that work.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Today: Weekly Roundup of Things You Already Know

The numbers say people are still stumbling upon this site. And the numbers don't lie, man. So I may as well give you something new to look at. If you're good I'll be back on Monday, too! And no, that isn't an empty promise.

-The Daily Mirror has ousted Kate Moss as a cocaine addict, which everyone pretty much figured already, but there were no grainy pictures to indicate. gawker posted the pictures earlier, but it looks like the Mirror's lawyers got to them already. So for those of you unfortunate enough to have missed the pictures, I'll try and recap: She's doing lines of coke. And laughing. And doing more lines of coke. Yeah, you really didn't miss much.
-Britney Spears has finally released her spawn into the world, and its name is...Preston Michael Spears. Or Sean Preston Spears, I don't even know anymore. There's no official name on her website (not like I went there to check or anything, I just hear things), so feel free to make the joke of your choice.
-What a tragedy. First, we learn that the Hollywood romance of Renee Zellweger and Cowboy Hat has dissolved. And in four months, no less! I was kind of hoping they'd last longer than the Spears-Federline travesty, hence my heartbroken tone. However, now it turns out that Ol' Squinty Face has cited fraud as the cause for annulment. But wait, before you get your panties all in a tangle, Zellweger backpedals furiously by saying that using the word fraud was"simply legal language and not a refection of Kenny's character." Yeah, sure Renee.
-For those of you comic book nerds eagerly anticipating the new Superman movie, here is some bad news to keep you crying in your room for the next week. "Romantic"? Oh Mr. Singer, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into.
-Matt Damon is engaged, and I wonder if Ben Affleck is going to show up drunk to the wedding. You know, just to spite Matt because Ben got hitched first or something.
-Lindsay Lohan has an old fashioned nip slip, which I somehow missed this week, probably every other post on defamer had to do with Britney Spears and it must've gotten lost.
-Jude Law and Sienna Miller are back together. Although by the time you're done reading this, they probably will have broken up again.
-Will Smith is turning into Samuel L. Jackson. And not in a good way.
-Chris Farley's lovechild. Yes, that Chris Farley.
-Check out this hilarious Celebrity-Way Call. Vince Vaughn's face is priceless.