Nicole Richie Likes Heroin!

According to this article, Nicole would try heroin again if she had the opportunity. Because, really, it must be sooo hard to score heroin in her position. She'd try it again because "that's her personality". What the hell does that even mean? She enjoys being heated up in rusty spoons? She likes shooting needles in her arm? I don't get it. I also find it hard to believe that she's only "tried" heroin. It comes as no coincidence that basically every strung out addict you see is STICK FUCKING THIN. Yet, Richie claims that all her weight was lost naturally. Yes, naturally, she didn't eat and shot heroin all the time. Very natural, I'd say.
The article also goes on to detail that Nicole would like exactly five kids, three girls and twin boys. If the boys are not twins, they'll be thrown out and her and DJ AM will try again.
Even though her dad is trying to stick up for her and defend her weight loss by saying she's probably jus stressed from the wedding, Nicole is so hopped up on smack that she can't even see when her father is making excuses for her. She "had no idea what he meant by that". Man, this girl must have the brain power of a pea.
She should really cut down on the heroin.

Would You Want Jessica Simpson's Advice?

It looks like Jessica just can't take it anymore. She's been seeing a therapist because all this gossip about her marriage being destroyed is, uh...actually destroying her marriage. Ironic. But the most interesting part of this article (although it's more of a blurb, really) is that Jessica mentions that "I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer."
Woah. Let's slow down here. Jessica Simpson, lisenced therapist? How could that possibly go well? I don't know if Jessica realizes that being a therapist means she has to string sentences together coherently that aren't already written for her. I can only imagine the things she would say to a suicidal patient, or (heh) a couple in need of marriage counseling.
"We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Is this normal, Dr. Simpson?" they might ask.
"That's perfectly natural, y'all! Me and my husband haven't slept in the same bed for three years! In fact, I don't even think we live with each other anymore. I'd have to ask my daddy about that."
Yes, I can see Jessica flourishing in the field of therapy. It's too bad she's got such a strong acting career, otherwise she might want to think about switching fields.