Nicole Richie Likes Heroin!

According to this article, Nicole would try heroin again if she had the opportunity. Because, really, it must be sooo hard to score heroin in her position. She'd try it again because "that's her personality". What the hell does that even mean? She enjoys being heated up in rusty spoons? She likes shooting needles in her arm? I don't get it. I also find it hard to believe that she's only "tried" heroin. It comes as no coincidence that basically every strung out addict you see is STICK FUCKING THIN. Yet, Richie claims that all her weight was lost naturally. Yes, naturally, she didn't eat and shot heroin all the time. Very natural, I'd say.
The article also goes on to detail that Nicole would like exactly five kids, three girls and twin boys. If the boys are not twins, they'll be thrown out and her and DJ AM will try again.
Even though her dad is trying to stick up for her and defend her weight loss by saying she's probably jus stressed from the wedding, Nicole is so hopped up on smack that she can't even see when her father is making excuses for her. She "had no idea what he meant by that". Man, this girl must have the brain power of a pea.
She should really cut down on the heroin.

Would You Want Jessica Simpson's Advice?

It looks like Jessica just can't take it anymore. She's been seeing a therapist because all this gossip about her marriage being destroyed is, uh...actually destroying her marriage. Ironic. But the most interesting part of this article (although it's more of a blurb, really) is that Jessica mentions that "I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer."
Woah. Let's slow down here. Jessica Simpson, lisenced therapist? How could that possibly go well? I don't know if Jessica realizes that being a therapist means she has to string sentences together coherently that aren't already written for her. I can only imagine the things she would say to a suicidal patient, or (heh) a couple in need of marriage counseling.
"We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Is this normal, Dr. Simpson?" they might ask.
"That's perfectly natural, y'all! Me and my husband haven't slept in the same bed for three years! In fact, I don't even think we live with each other anymore. I'd have to ask my daddy about that."
Yes, I can see Jessica flourishing in the field of therapy. It's too bad she's got such a strong acting career, otherwise she might want to think about switching fields.

Her Dream, My Nightmare.

I seem to gravitate towards items of interest that are either fake, possibly photoshopped, or just all around ridiculous. Today's bit of news is no different. The National Ledger reports that Katie Holmes may pull a Demi Moore and pose naked and pregnant for a willing and desperate magazine. I don't even care at this point if you think the relationship is real or not, just read this:
"Tom sees this baby as a gold mine of publicity." And Katie is willing to do whatever Tom wants."
I've never been a big fan of either of these celebrities (if Katie even really deserves that title. Dawson's Creek does not a star make! Just look at James Van Der Beek.) But the fact that Tom Cruise is using the birth of his first biological father (although that is also questionable) to boost his publicity is just sickening. Not to mention the fact that Katie is so brainwashed by those clams that she no longer has a mind of her own to object to anything Crazy Tom may throw her way. Next thing you know, he'll have her tour the United States by train, spouting the wonders of Scientology while wearing an L. Ron Hubbard mask.
This whole relationship makes me sick.

Paris Has Out-Parised Herself.

Browsing Defamer, I came upon this little gem of a photo. Paris Hilton, on a runway somewhere, with nothing but a streaker jacket and some patterned underwear separating her from the elements. Unfortunately, if you take a closer look (and I did, although you might not want to), you may notice that Paris' anatomny is...less than desirable. I will freely admit that I don't come across that many nearly naked asses in my life, but I must point out the curiousness of Ms. Hiltons ass flap hanging down behind her brightly colored underwear. It looks sort of like a hooker's version of a mud flap, although I really do not want to ponder if it serves a similar purpose. I think there's some cameltoe action going on over there too, but I cannot bring myself to investigate that closely.
I'm not sure if she was about to take off in a series of cartwheels down the runway, but that is the only possible explanation for the pose captured in this photo. And while you can't make out too many of the faces in the background, you know that most of them are probably thinking "My ass looks better than that and I'm twice her age."
PS. Paris, those boots? Ugly.

That Sean Preston Kid.

Well, I've got to hand it to Britney. She managed to name her child something normal, not like Venti Latte Cheeto Spears as we were all expecting, AND she also managed to keep her doomed little newborn out of the tabloids for a whole month. These pictures have finally leaked, and I'm fairly surprised at how they turned out. First, I'm shocked that K. Fed managed to free up time in his busy schedule for the shoot at all, what with all those, uh..beer runs he's been doing. Yeah.
Not only that, but the child has no discernible red bull stains on his little baby outfit. Kudos, young Sean! I am even tempted to call the picture in the bottom left corner "cute", although they may take away my celebrity blogging license for that one.
As long as they keep him out of baby manpris (babypris?) and away from flip-flops with socks, this kid may just turn out to be okay.
Especially if he's being raised by the nannies.