Friday, January 21, 2005

Today: An Important Public Service Announcement!

-Page six six six gives a transcript of entertainment tonight, featuring Tara Reid, trying to make herself sound like less of a deranged crack-job.
- John Goodman isn't having a good week, is he? He may not be dead, but it looks like his career is.
- The Save Topher t-shirt. Get yours today, before his publicist shuts them down!
-Breaking News: Everybody Loves Raymond to end. Now we can finally see Romano show off his acting chops in features like Welcome to Mooseport. Hmm...on second thought, keep those reunion show options open, Ray.
-Farrah Fawcett, Cerebral Palsy victim? (With apologies to those with cerebral palsy). Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Does this mean Cameron Diaz will look like a melted barbie doll in twenty years too?
-Didn't anyone in Hollywood read the memo that video games make shitty movies? I guess not, because they're making Spyhunter (of all games to choose from!) starring The Rock (as the car?).
-Public Service Annoucement: Someone, please tell Juliette Lewis that a) she is not funny on I Love the 90s, part deux b) she is not funny, period c) she should get off whatever drugs she's taking that prevent her from forming coherent sentences about things that happened less than ten years ago.
- Another Tim Burton Featuring Johnny Depp Production It's called Nigh- I mean Corpse Bride.
-It's a good thing Chicken of the Sea is not made from Dolphins, otherwise Jessica Simpson wouldn't eat it. She's afraid of dolphins! Because they're scary, duh!
-Surprise! Britney's Not Pregnant. For the month.
- A lesson on Tanorexia, which, as everyone knows, is this year's anorexia.


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