Thursday, February 03, 2005

Today: La Lohan Upset That We Pick On Her Daddy

-Just Our Luck! La Lohan being a bitch on the set of her new movie? I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.
-Simon Cowell over heard talking about the latest 'Idol' contestants Apparently he thought Kelly Clarkson was like, the shit, yo. And the rest were all frontin' Usher wannabes, ya heard? Maybe not in those words, though.
-Speaking of Lindsay, she must be cranky from those chronic hang-overs. La Lohan wants us to stop taking about her daddy. And she means it!
-Too bad Simon Cowell can't run for president, because the American public surely prefers his snarky bits to President Bush's repetitive mispronunciation of 'nuclear'.
-The Apprentice : Martha Stewart House Arrest Style. Even though she'll be under house arrest for the next five months, that wont stop her from making tasteful wreaths out of pine cones or telling people that they are fired.
- Oh Britney. First, you grab Cletus' dick in public. Then, you go barefoot in gas station restrooms. Now you're going topless (and honey, that is NOT a look for you. not anymore) and your should I put this? It's like a tornado and a rat's nest got into a fight on top if your head, and the tornado won. You know, I just really hope it's that funny shape because you haven't washed it in two weeks, and not because you've got Cletus Juice all up in your 'do.
-And if you believe this, I've got a bridge to sell you...Craigslist (unfortunately) took the listing down, but Defamer tells us that someone put the "real" Hollywood sign up for sale. For the unbeatable price of five dollars! What a steal!
-Remember a couple days ago, perhaps last week sometime, where I gave Pete Doherty the hilarious nick name of "mylifeisin(baby)shambles"? Well of course you do. And he seems to be taking it to heart, because he's just gotten arrested.
- I don't really know who Houston is, but I do know that he tried committing suicide, and, when that didn't work, opted to gouge his eye out, instead. Thank you for ruining my dinner, Houston.


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