Today: Career Suicide?

-Yeah, so remember yesterday when I told you guys that Bruce Willis was caught groping Lindsay Lohan? Well it turns out that was totally wrong because the witness was one letter off with Lohan's ass tattoo. So much for reliable sources!
-Imagine Teri Hatcher. Okay, now picture her looking high and perhaps like her mother, and you've got Teri circa five days ago.
- Fametracker closed its forums this morning, but hey, please don't leave! We audited Kevin Coster, isn't that great? Kevin Who? Yes! That's exactly what we wrote! See, now you have to read it. Please stay and read our other wordy, unentertaining "articles". Please?
-Avril Lavigne's latest video features her with both angel wings and devil horns. Oh Avril, thats so punk rock!
-Even though there's a gag order that initially kept Jay Leno from making CEMJ jokes, it looks like Leno is now free to be as unfunny as he wants. Maybe Judge Melville is a fan.
-Even Jon Heder is getting sick of hearing people quoting Napoleon Dynamite. Memo to every single college freshman alive: SHUT UP.
-It all comes crashing down for Britney Spears and her clean, completely trashtastic-free fantasy life, as K.Fed's ex tells press that he "smells". Wow, you know, I never would have guessed that sort of behavior from such a clean-shaven, well put together man such as himself.
-Continuing coverage on the 'Wilmer Valderrama knows his fifteen minutes are almost up, so he stirs some shit up by dating Ashlee Simpson' situation.
-CEMJ's family are "worried" that he might commit suicide is he is convicted. This is impossible for a few reasons. Firstly, Michael Jackson is no longer human (most of his body parts have been replaced with plastic) thus, he cannot truly die. Plus, he is way too much of a pussy to ever kill himself.
- Kelly, Venus, and a Camel.