Monday, February 28, 2005

Today: Mostly Oscar Aftermath.

-Pitt and Aniston confuse gossip columnists; the world, by showing up at Oscar parties together. What's next, they move in with each other?
-The Monday Numbers:
1. Diary of a Mad Black Woman $22.7M total: $22.7M
2. Hitch $21M total: $122M
3. Constantine $11.8M total: $50.8M
4. Cursed $9.56M total: $9.56M
5. Man of the House $9M total: $9M
6. Million Dollar Baby $7.22M total: $64.7M
7. Because of Winn-Dixie $6.75M total: $22.2M
8. Are We There Yet? $4M total: $76.4M
9. The Aviator $3.88M total: $93.8M
10. Son of the Mask $3.77m total: $14M
-While the rest of us were watching Million Dollar Baby win everything possible and Chris Rock make awkward, censored jokes, Jesus was busy winning some Christian Oscars. Man, that Lord sure can act!
-Despite the incredible overall black hole of boredom the Oscars turned out to be last night, Chris Rock's charm managed to make the numbers move, and this years' Oscars were the highest rated in five years. Or perhaps it was just because everyone wanted to tune in to watch Hilary Swank get her Oscar and then pretend like she's never won one before by mentioning how she grew up in a trailer park and looks like a boy. Wait, she didn't really say that last part, although perhaps her speech would've felt a little more heartfelt if she's played up that angle. Her speech became even more awesome when she (didn't shut up!) waved away the orchestra (I'm fairly certain she was the only person to even have the honor of getting delicately told to get the hell off stage this year) in order to totally gush over her agent many times worse than she has ever done for her husband. Yes, I'm quite sure the people of America tuned in just for that.
-Re: Adam Duritz and his Sideshow Bob haircut homage: I think this is the most accurate comparison I've seen. PS. Are the Counting Crows over yet? Please?
-Upset that your movie got totally shafted last night? Well, I know just the thing to cheer you up, John Stamos is coming back to ABC! Slowly, all my dreams will come true.
-Will Smith, apparently not having anything better to do (like sit on the couch eating potato chips and watching reruns of I Love the 80s like everyone else) set a new record. For what? You might be asking (in between mouthfuls of potato chips, of course) for attending the most premieres in one day! Wow, Will! Because the British were totally excited for you to show up at all three premieres of Hitch. Which, if you noticed above, totally got its ass handed to it by a movie I've never even heard of.
-It seems as though Jessica Simpson has taken a page out of Lindsay Lohan's diary (I presume it was this one): "Dear Journal,
I have come up with the perfect plan to keep people from calling me pale. (Because, Ugh! So gross!)
Step 1. Apply self-tanner. Wait 5 mins.
Step 2-14. repeat Step 1
Step 15. apply the lightest lipstick ever.
It seriously works! Maybe I should send this tip into, like, Cosmo or something.
Love, Lindsay"


Post a Comment

<< Home