Today: Last One For The Road.

-Paula Abdul, everyone's favorite barely-lucid American Idol judge, throws a fit after she learns she's being pressed with hit and run charges.
-Most of us in the media gossip industry have all but cringed and burned this rumor out of our poor brains, but Star really wants Demi Moore to be pregnant with Kutcher's demon spawn. Only time will tell, of course.
-Britney Spears has apparently forgotten she's a huge star with millions of dollars, because her summer plans include working at her dad's fast-food restaurant. I give her three hours before she either loses a finger or burns the place down.
-Lindsay Lohan prepares for a severe ass-kicking after she slams oscar winners. Apparently all they have to do is "look ugly, be naked or be a lesbian or gain weight." Yeah, they don't have to ACT or anything, Lindsay. I hope your foot tastes good.
-Denise Richards arrives home to find an official court notice at her front gate. Seems Sheen isn't willing to go without a fight. Watch out kids, this is going to get real ugly.
-T-Shirt Hell, because why make a joke, when you can wear it?
-Yasmine Bleeth, rode hard and hung out to dry.
-And as if Lindsay Lohan didn't have enough family problems, her grandmother is selling videos of her as a young kid.
-Jessica Simpson, wearing a shirt that is supposed to be funny because its ironic, but is really sad because it's true.
- Again with the Britney Spears pregnancy rumors.

I'm off to Florida on spring break. I'll be back next Friday for more delicious gossip.
Enjoy your Easter-related activities!