Today: Unsubstantiated Rumors are Good Enough for Me to Base My Life Upon.

- Adam Duritz accosts Mary-Kate Olsen, and now she has a viable excuse for spending the rest of her life in rehab. There are a lot of freaks out there Mary-Kate honey, and yes, some of them have banged famous people. It's a strange world.
-The Monday Numbers:
1. The Ring Two $36M total: $36M
2.. Robots $21.8M total: $66.9M
3. The Pacifier $12.5M total: $72.3M
4. Ice Princess $7.01M total $7.01M
5. Hitch $6.6M total: $159M
6. Be Cool $5.8M total: $47.2M
7. Hostage $5.8M total: $19.3M
8. Million Dollar Baby $4.0M total: $90M
9. Diary of a Mad Black Woman $3.5M total: $47.8M
10. Constantine $2.3M total: $70.4M
Here we are, completely unsurprised by The Ring Two's sweep at the movies this weekend. It was a certifiable bankroll, yet somehow its numbers still seem disappointing. Although as long as it breaks even with Constantine, it will still be a winner in my book.
-Pat O'Brien has checked himself into rehab for an alcohol problem. Maybe he started hitting the bottle after reading this article on defamer.
-Well, this just made my day. As if the first one wasn't good enough, now there are plans for a Butterfly Effect 2 : Electric Boogaloo. Only this time the movie might actually be good, because there will be no taint of Ashton Kutcher. So, there go such classic lines as "But MooooOOOOooom, I NEED those books!". A real shame.
-Fametracker kicks off a quirky new feature, Celebrity Vs. Thing, because they really want to strech a metaphor about bagels and Catherine Zeta-Jones and get me to care.
-Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal are so private that no one even knew they were back together again. It was all a sham to fool the reporters. Wow, you've got to feel pretty stupid when tha couple pulls the wool over your eyes.
-As if the disappointing reviews of The Ring Two aren't enough to break my spirit, there are talks of an American trilogy. And as with 90% of the trilogies we know, Ring number Three would probably be a prequel. Oh, the excitement. Watch it drain out of my body.
-No, this isn't last week. Michael Jackson actually showed up late to court again. This time, he actually pretended he was in pain, but ditched the pajama pants look. I am just waiting for Judge Melville to bag his ass.
-According to an unnamed source from my archaeology class who went to school with Lindsay Lohan, she is certifiably the "biggest bitch ever" and "her boobs are totally fake". I just wanted to clear up those rumors for everyone.

PS. Thanks to the band Against Me! for today's title. I'll be getting killed in their mosh pit in only nine days!