Today: The Future Is Full of Bad Movie Prospects.

-Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Woody Allen was on 'Cribs'? I haven't, but apparently Gawker has.
-The Monday Numbers:
1. Sin City $28.1M total: $28.1M
2. Beauty Shop $13.5M total: $13.5M
3. Guess Who $13M total: $41.3M
4. Robots $10M total: $105M
5. Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous $8.39M total: $31.4M
6. The Pacifier $6.06M total: $96.4M
7. The Ring Two $5.8M total: $68.1M
8. The Upside of Anger $4.12M total: $8.7M
9. Hitch $3M total: $171M
10. Ice Princess $2.55M total: $18.6M
I am devastated by these numbers. How did Ice Princess end up at number ten?
-I was quietly minding my own business yesterday, eating my lunch, when lo and behold, I stumbled across Michael Douglas looking like a zombie corpse after a supposed face left. Perhaps he just has a starring role in George Romero's new film? In any case, I would recommend staying away from food for at least half an hour after viewing this picture.
-Oh Scientology. If you ever figure out your stance on homosexuality, let us know, okay?
-When the world stops caring about your sister's sex scandals and her phone hacking, the only thing left to do is launch a hideous clothing line.
-Last week was pretty rough. The Pope and Mitch Hedberg died, and Neil Young was hospitalized for a brain aneurysm. Luckily we weren't three for three, and Neil Young is recovering just fine.
-Jason Mewes will finally be able to out-act someone when he stars with Paris Hilton in a new movie.
-The Michael Jackson Candlelight Vigil: because some people don't have jobs...Or a life.
-Pretty In Pink 2: John Hughes Needs Money Boogaloo.