Today: If A Celebrity Gets Arrested and No One Cares, Did It Really Happen?

-Memo for Orlando Bloom: I'm not sure that Brad Pitt is the right person to be asking about relationship problems. I hear he broke up with his wife a while ago, or something.
-Joan Rivers calls Brigette Nielsen a cunt. And I'm reporting it. So I guess I can't really make any jokes about reaching for attention or anything.
-Beyonce "Hot Pants are So in Right Now" Knowles and her mother are jumping on the celebrity-clothing line bandwagon. I'd make a joke about finding gold hot pants all over Macy's come the fall, but it was kind of obvious I was going to go there, wasn't it?
-Best Week Ever finds good, even amongst all the horror.
-Maybe this is why Katie Holmes broke up with Chris Klien.Even though it happened a month ago, and no one noticed. Except maybe Katie, of course. Now you'll probably be able to find him in AA.
-Because its a slow news day, here's Whitney looking homeless.
-All the crazy in Lindsay Lohan's family is finally getting to her...she's been stalking that weirdo ex of hers, Wilmer Valderrama.
-Another less than good review of Ashlee Simpson and her "performance" skills.