Today: Everyone Looks Desperate

-Britney Spears plans to give birth to her Federline spawn in an Arizona hospital. That way, she won't look as trashy in comparison to the other mothers in the maternity ward.
-The ever reliable Star magazine tells us that Portia De Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres are looking to have kids.
-Ashlee Simpson pulls a Tara Reid and shows her nipple because her career is sinking.
-Nick Carter is sentenced to rehab . I guess that new Backstreet Boys didn't do as well as he'd hoped.
-The secrets out! Martha Stewart's Apprentice catch-phrase has been leaked. And damn, is it catchy!
-Tom Cruise chastises us all for not knowing what he knows, that there is obviously life on other planets. Thanks for the enlightenment, Top Gun.
-A chart of the highs and lows (or basically just the lows) suffered by The Comeback's "star" Valerie Cherish.
-Even though the chairman of AMC calls Cinderella Man a "special picture", its theatre chain is issuing refunds to dissatisfied viewers. So, wait. Exactly how does this help Cinderella Man become a success again?
-Own Marlon Brando's crap. Now you can pull a Matthew McConaughey in style with $1,000 bongos.
-DId you know that Scientology encourages abortion? Something tells me this is Scientology's own little "self-destruct" button.