Monday, June 27, 2005

Today: Shit, I Already Used "Back in Black", Didn't I?

My "extended hiatus" has only made me realize how much fun this all is, even if it is a bit of work. So, I hope you kids appreciate it. Onward!

-You know things are bad when CNN takes a moment from talking about serial killers to make fun of Tom Cruise. And for the kids, Tom Cruise Kills Oprah.
-PETA wants us to vote on the five sexiest vegetarians. I don't know about you, but for me, its totally a toss up between Avril Lavigne and Reese Witherspoon.
-Kelly Osbourne channels Droopy the Dog. Notice also the tattoos of Jack & Daddy. Who are we, Brenda Chenowith?
-Real World: Austin; now with 75% more roommate hook-ups! (And 50% more unattractive housemates.)
-It seems as though Harry Knowles has been abuducted by Scientologists, because he states that Cruise guy's performance in War of the Worlds was "absolutely riveting". Someone's been drinking the Kool-Aid, methinks.
-The Monday Numbers:
1. Batman Begins $26.8M total: $122M
2. Bewitched $20.2M total: $20.2M
3. Mr. & Mrs. Smith $16.8M total: $125M
4. Herbie: Fully Loaded $12.8M total: $17.8M
5. Land of the Dead $10.2M total: $10.2M
6. Madagascar $7.3M total: $160M
7. Star Wars Ep. III $6.25M total: $359M
8. The Longest Yard $5.47M total: $142M
9. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D $3.42M total: $30.5M
10. Cinderella Man $3.3M total: $49.6M
Even digitally reducing Lohan's breasts couldn't save Herbie from barely grasping the number 4 spot for the weekend. There's a lesson in there, somewhere. Maybe not.
-Hermes finally apologizes for not treating Oprah like the fabulous superstar that she so rightly is.
-Is this some kind of subliminal message? I hope so.
-Remember that lawsuit against Peter Jackson I talked about when I still updated this thing regularly? Well it seems that someone at the Times is no Jackson fan, and let a quote slip in their article, calling Jackson "piggish". Now really, I don't think we need to stoop to the level of third grade nicknames based on weight issues, but then, I don't work for the Times.
-Newly dubbed " Brangelina" (because us gossip whores can't stop patting themselves on the back for the genius of "Bennifer" and desperately hope to relive it) are seen dirtbiking with Maddox, who is not old enough to appreciate how lucky he is to be sitting on the same bicycle seat as Brad "It's bleached for a role, I promise" Pitt.


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